Well now here’s a revelation. After my second counselling session and digging deep to find out the hows and whys of the way I behave the way I do and why the anxiety and depression hit me when it did I have come up with some answers – praise be!
Firstly I’ve come to the realisation that I was busy for the sake of being busy. If I’m always on the move and flying from one thing to another I don’t have time to stop and think about things that bother me. In the last while I have slowed right down even though people might think I’m always really busy I’m not, quite a lot of the time I’m busy looking after me.
So I have thought about things that might have made me the way I am. It’s a real eyeopener and although I can’t change the past I can manage how I deal with how I feel about it. There is no point dwelling on things that have happened. I can’t turn back the clock and in fact I might not want to because I wouldn’t be who I am if life didn’t through up certain experiences.
I was out with my drawing class yesterday which I absolutely love and my only wish is that I’d discovered my love of art way before now but hey it’s never too late. As we stood at the banks of the river and I explored the area and scribbled away on the page I realised that I am exactly where I want to be right at this very moment. I was so perfectly comfortable with the people I was with. I didn’t need to be talking, I didn’t need to be funny. I was relaxed and there were no expectations of me and it was exhilarating in its simplicity.
For the rest of the day I stepped away from the computer and actually listened when people were talking to me. It was a revelation, me actually being mindful and in the moment rather than mindless and flinging myself from one website to another. So I will be making much for of an effort to live in the real world from now on rather than always being plugged in to a virtual world. No wonder I always felt drained, much like the battery on my phone the Social Media world was draining me.
It’s a nice feeling when you discover something about yourself, another light-bulb moment. Bring it on…now where did I put my charcoal?