Friday Feelings

I’ve started having sessions with a new counsellor. So far all I can say is wow! This person has found out more about me in two sessions that I probably knew about myself. She seems to look into my soul and see everything.

That’s all very deep isn’t it? It’s certainly making me re-evaluate myself. I also wish I’d studied psychology! It’s just fascinating.

I’m not going to lie it is difficult going over things but being depressed and anxious is difficult too. I find with CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy) it’s more about living in the moment and learning how to cope but in a way it’s like wallpapering over the cracks. If you don’t find out what’s causing the problem to begin with how can you deal with it properly? It’s going to reappear at some stage.

My whole life has been spent not facing up to things. Being fiercely independent and not trusting many people. I built a wall up to protect myself. I know I do it. It’s only very few people who get passed that wall.

I also know I keep myself busy so that I don’t stop and think. The trouble is now that I just can’t relax. Even if I’m sitting down my mind is working overtime.

So with this new counselling it’s almost like breaking down the wall and fixing the foundations. Going back to the beginning and mending myself. I feel that only when that is done I can start progressing. It’s tough but it’s positive too.