Sick and tired of being sick and tired

So another health update. Since having the five B12 injections I haven’t noticed a difference at all, actually I tell a lie – since being on them my dry skin has got better but nothing else has changed.

I was probably putting too much faith in to getting a miracle cure quickly and am now disappointed that it didn’t happen.

Since being on the antidepressants I’m definitely a lot calmer and in a better frame of mind so that’s a good thing but I’m so bloody tired all the time. On top of that I’ve got aches and pains all over the place. The doctor said there’s a ‘dose’ going around. This is a bloody long dose it’s lasted 6 months.

My dreams are just bizarre, I feel like I’m in a movie every night, they are just so vivid. I find myself thinking “Is this the real life? Is this just fantasy?” I’ll stop before I break into a Queen song!

The only way I can describe it is that I feel like I’m wading through treacle most of the time and even the smallest thing is a huge effort. I’ve felt like this since January so it’s not a result of the medication.

I know some people will say that the antidepressants just mask the illness but if you had asthma and needed an inhaler you’d use it. So what’s the difference with taking tablets to help with depression and anxiety? It’s back to the whole mental health stigma again. I even hate the words mental health. I’d love it to be called ‘Mind Matters’ or something like that.

So much money seems to be spent on advertising telling people to talk or ‘It’s OK not to be OK’. When you build up the courage to go and get help you face a lot of closed doors or negativity, in my case anyway. I got handed a prescription and told to go for a walk.

It’s not all doom and gloom though, there are some bright moments. The lovely chemist I have, the dramatherapy, the kindness of strangers, of course my wonderful family and friends. The people who have offered me healing or lovely days out – some of which I still have to go to. The gentleman who spent a couple of hours this afternoon with me, it’s all so much appreciated.

My friend who drove for almost two hours just to meet me for a chat this week and we will see each other soon. There’s the new friend I’ve made who understands just how I feel. She’s helped me so much, she also told me there is counselling available from the HSE for people with medical cards. So if you need to contact them you can do so here. There’s also a counselling service for adults who have suffered trauma or abuse in childhood. Both of the services are in John Street in Sligo.

I used to look at celebrities who seemed to have it all; great jobs, plenty of money, lovely houses, happy families and I’d wonder how they could possibly be depressed. Now I’m on the other side and I realise depression can affect anyone at anytime. It’s an awful illness and one that still seems to be a stigma no matter how much people tell you it isn’t.

So there you have it. Another week, another update and not much progress but I’ll keep on keeping on.