I’ve started with a new counsellor and what always amazes me is the things that come up even when you don’t realise they even existed. There was a ‘light bulb’ moment this week when it dawned on me that I try to ‘fix people’.
This could happen with anyone that I come into contact with. I either try to mother them, (which is gas because I’m not very maternal at all!) or I try to hook them up with other people in the hopes it will benefit both of them. The thing is these people don’t ask for my help, I just get carried away.
I need to stop, already this week I’ve found myself doing it and in one case I noticed a look of terror in someones eyes. The poor person hadn’t asked for my input or advice but there I was jumping in with both feet thinking I was being helpful.
My uncalled for help usually goes one of two ways; I either push people away (this is usually the case), or they hook up with the other person and go off hand in hand into the sunset – not quite but you get the picture. In both cases I’m left alone again which is probably the opposite of what I was trying to achieve.
Although to be honest I don’t know what I am actually trying to achieve. I think I’m trying to be helpful and always trying to fit in and feel accepted – which doesn’t really happen anyway.
Since our last social coffee morning I haven’t had a coffee with anyone, except the family, so I suppose I’m still as isolated as I ever was, if not more so. That’s OK too because there’s a side of me that’s quite happy to be on my own but the social butterfly part of me is itching to chat to people. It’s hard to find a happy medium but this issue of trying to fix people has to stop. How can I fix anyone when I need fixing myself? Also it’s none of my business unless someone asks for my help.
Next time I find myself doing it I must stop and think. I’m off now to send an email to apologise for my uncalled for help.