depression

I will try to fix you

I’ve started with a new counsellor and what always amazes me is the things that come up even when you don’t realise they even existed. There was a ‘light bulb’ moment this week when it dawned on me that I try to ‘fix people’.

This could happen with anyone that I come into contact with. I either try to mother them, (which is gas because I’m not very maternal at all!) or I try to hook them up with other people in the hopes it will benefit both of them. The thing is these people don’t ask for my help, I just get carried away.

I need to stop, already this week I’ve found myself doing it and in one case I noticed a look of terror in someones eyes. The poor person hadn’t asked for my input or advice but there I was jumping in with both feet thinking I was being helpful.

My uncalled for help usually goes one of two ways; I either push people away (this is usually the case), or they hook up with the other person and go off hand in hand into the sunset – not quite but you get the picture. In both cases I’m left alone again which is probably the opposite of what I was trying to achieve.

Although to be honest I don’t know what I am actually trying to achieve. I think I’m trying to be helpful and always trying to fit in and feel accepted – which doesn’t really happen anyway.

Since our last social coffee morning I haven’t had a coffee with anyone, except the family, so I suppose I’m still as isolated as I ever was, if not more so. That’s OK too because there’s a side of me that’s quite happy to be on my own but the social butterfly part of me is itching to chat to people. It’s hard to find a happy medium but this issue of trying to fix people has to stop. How can I fix anyone when I need fixing myself? Also it’s none of my business unless someone asks for my help.

Next time I find myself doing it I must stop and think. I’m off now to send an email to apologise for my uncalled for help.

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2 thoughts on “I will try to fix you”

  1. I love your self analysis and hopefully you are ‘tongue in cheek’ about your fixer upper skills.
    Dont be hard on yourself as you are lovely company.
    January is over – people neither have mood nor money to do much in Jan so dont worry!
    See you soon☕️🍪

  2. Oh I can so relate to this. I think we all do this for some reason or another, and I think because we don’t like seeing others in distress. I used to do this all the time, and at times still do. Just the other day I had my ole knee jerk reaction of wanting to “fix” someone or save them , or solve their problem, rush to their rescue etc- an old historical coping mechanism from my past- believing if I could fix or rescue someone then my environment would be safe. Good for you for noticing, and you are sure right, its amazing what comes up in therapy when we don’t even expect it- that means your doing it right my friend.It also means your a very caring person, and thats a good thing. Sending you love, warmth and virtual cups of tea and looking foreword to meeting you, and having coffee, chats and walks. Till then take good care of yourself my friend. ❤

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