Halfway there

It’s been a while since I’ve written a health update. I’ve suffered from anxiety and depression since the beginning of the year. The anxiety was always there but kept well hidden. The depression, well that was something that arrived out of the blue.

I’m happy to say, yes I am happy!, that I feel like I’m coming back to myself. I will never be the person I was again because I’m much more understanding of mental health issues. I realise that most people have their own battles to fight and their own demons to face. It’s a tough place to be in but I hope now to be more compassionate and if I can offer help, even if it’s only virtual help I’m happy to do what I can.

Talking to different people has given me the most help. Everyone who has experienced this has their own words of wisdom. This week someone said to me “It’s not the situation that matters it’s how you deal with it” – so true.

Another person said that a lot of us are trying to conform to living the life that is expected of us – and wow does this make a lot of sense.

I’ll never forget the day I faced my biggest fear, a man walked by and said “There are no heroes in this movie.” It was said just at the right time.

Isn’t it funny how life works out like that? New people come along and you just click with them. You hear parts of their life and you could almost have said the same thing yourself.

I know I still have a long way to go. This was fairly obvious to me last night when I was waiting for people to arrive and I started to get quite anxious. I hovered in a corridor and almost left. My counsellor had told me to try to relax if I felt like that and wait five more minutes. I did and I managed to calm down. That’s huge progress for me.

I’ve managed to say no a couple of times when people have asked me to do things that I don’t want to do. I’ve also managed to say yes to things that I really wanted to do and I’ve thrown myself into them wholeheartedly.

There are still a few things I’d like to change about myself. I talk way too much, I really should come with a health warning. I need to learn to close my mouth and just listen. I also need to learn to trust people, not everyone obviously, but I know I have built a wall in front of me and it’s very difficult for people to get in. Some people might think I’m stuck up, I’m not I’m just minding myself. Hopefully this will change in time.

It’s been a hell of a rollercoaster ride and there were times when I just wanted it to stop but it’s very much a learning curve. During my life I’ve realised it’s the experiences that you live through that make you the person you are today.

None of us know what is ahead of us so we can just think about what is happening now and try to deal with it as best as we can. Take care of yourself.