I feel like a pinball this week, bouncing from one thing to another.
I tried a mindfulness course and ended up having a panic attack – the irony. The facilitator was telling us to write down positive traits we saw in ourselves and at that moment I couldn’t think of anything, I could feel myself starting to stress . I told the facilitator that I didn’t want to do this exercise but she moved on to the next one which was drawing a heart with all our good qualities surrounding it, again there was nothing I could think of to say. At this stage I was shaking and I wanted to leave the room.
I got up to go to the toilet and the door was stuck closed so that really tipped me over the edge, by the time the door was opened for me I was in an awful state. Anyway to cut a long story I felt I was back to square one again!
I went back to the GP – so the medication is changed again and he told me I’m depressed. To be honest I feel a bit calmer since I found out, I suppose I feel like now that I know I can try to deal with it.
A few plans have been made – it’s great to have such a supportive network around me. I’m not going to push myself as much as I would have done previously. I’m going to try to catch up on some rest. I’m going to do more things that I want to do – if I want to do them and if I don’t I won’t beat myself up over it.
Someone said to me today “You wouldn’t run a marathon with a broken leg” how right they are. Tomorrow is another day 🙂