Life is not just black or white

I bumped into a lady this week who has been reading the blog. She stopped and we had a lovely chat. She shared some of her story. It’s moments like this that remind me why I write about my anxiety issues.

As we chatted she told me about things that have helped her which I am going to check out. She also told me life isn’t just black and white – she’s absolutely right and this is something I have to work on. In my head I have the ‘real me’ and my shadow self. I feel like it’s a battle between the two these days. I’m glad it is a battle because for a long time the shadow was winning.

The battle is exhausting though, it’d be lovely for it to stop for a while. With the help of my drama therapy I’ve realised I have to find the grey area, the middle ground where the two parts of me can live in harmony. Jaysus this is starting to sound like Ebony and Ivory! For those under 40 google it 😉

I finished my counselling sessions this week. My choice. It’s time to stop living in the past and look to the future, whatever that it. Although I need to learn to deal with the present too. It’s quite overwhelming. I’m still gobsmacked that this happened to me. You’d think that at my age I’d be sorted and settled.

The drama therapy is helping me so much, I’m going to embark on a challenge to find out more about this shadow within me and what it represents. This all sounds very deep but maybe sometimes change is good and instead of pushing this part of me away I might need to listen to it a bit.

I went back to the GP today, I’m now on sleeping tablets. I thought I had a handle on the insomnia but I don’t. I’m fed up of being awake for hours on end when the world is asleep and I’m driven demented by stupid thoughts or reliving conversations that happened years ago. I can’t remember what I had for breakfast but I can remember something that happened at school – random.

As always thanks so much for the words of support and take care of yourselves.


4 thoughts on “Life is not just black or white

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  1. Too much thinking and rehashing events is detrimental to a peaceful life. When a scene keeps replaying, offering me the chance to come up with sparkling repartee, I have learned to banish it by reaching back into childhood and reciting the Hail Mary till that nagging event goes away. I know it is a childish remedy but She works for me. Signed, a lapsed Catholic.

  2. I’m with you, Lapsed Catholic. That’s how I fall asleep many nights. I read your response twice, it sounded so much like myself! Signed, Also Lapsed.

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