My Mental Health and Wellbeing Talk at Sligo Women in Business

I gave my first ever public talk today, at the Sligo Women in Business Event. I’m fairly open about blogging about my mental health, but this is the first time that I’ve actually spoken in front of people, and I was very nervous! I know some people couldn’t make the event, so this was the piece I had written before the event, I didn’t read this out, I spoke from the heart, but this will give you an idea of what I spoke about.

“Thank you to Fran and Maeve for letting me tell you all a bit of my story. Before I get into my wellness tips some of you might know that I’ve had depression and still have anxiety.

I’m not going to lie, it hit me out of the blue, and I didn’t know what happened to me. I went from being very outgoing, and in my own words I’d go to the opening of an envelope, a busy fool springs to mind. Then everything changed, I lost interest in everything, and I was scared to leave the house. On the times that I did have to go out I’d have my hood up in case someone knew me and wanted to talk to me. I’d become a shadow of myself, and it was scary and lonely. I won’t go into what happened to trigger me, there were a number of things, some that I’ve written about on my blog and some that I don’t know if I’ll ever write about. There were some things that I needed to deal with, and at that moment in time I couldn’t.

It took me all my strength to pluck up the courage and go to my GP, and I felt I wasn’t really listened to. I was told to go for a walk and given a prescription for antidepressants. I used to walk every day anyway as I had two dogs, and although I took the medication, I found that it made me very numb. I’m not going to dwell on the negative, but I want to get the word out that it’s OK not to be OK.

I tried so many things to get myself better. I listened to the people who told me to walk, and who suggested mindfulness, meditation, yoga, and all kinds of things. I think back to those times as me being some kind of ping pong ball, bouncing from one thing to another, and looking for the magic cure. The thing is there is no ‘one size fits all’ and what worked for me might not work for everyone. In fact, I had a panic attack in a mindfulness class, and I sprained my neck in a Pilates class. It’s hilarious looking back at it, although it wasn’t funny at the time.

I lost a lot of friends along the way, but I found some people who really care about me. My family are an amazing support, and my husband would know just by looking at me if I needed to rest. That’s the first thing I’d suggest, get some rest. I struggled very badly with insomnia, and I was wrecked during the day. I also had no energy and I felt like I was walking through treacle, everything was an effort. I started having afternoon naps, I still do occasionally now. You can’t pour from an empty cup and sleep is so important.

I’d also recommend getting your B12 checked. I went to see Siobhan O’Farrell Nutrition and she knew me before, so she knew that something was wrong with me. She went through my diet and advised lots of things and she told me to get my B12 levels checked, as B12 deficiency and depression are very closely linked. This test isn’t included in the standard blood test, so you have to ask for it. It turned out that I was severely lacking in B12, and I had to have injections. I went from having no energy whatsoever to climbing mountains at 4am!

Seek help. There are so many wonderful organisations out there. North West Stop offer free counselling and there are no waiting lists. I, myself went to four different counsellors before I found the right person for me. In my case there were issues from my childhood and there is the National Counselling Service on John Street, who deal with adults who have experienced trauma and abuse in childhood. You can refer yourself, or your GP can refer you.

Another amazing service that we have in Sligo is the Havin’ a Laugh charity, and they helped me so much. They provide life enhancing experiences for people who are going through therapy for mental health-related reasons. I contacted them and they asked me what I would like to do, at the time I didn’t really want to do anything, so they asked what I used to like to do, and I loved seaweed baths, they sent me a voucher and off I went. I also took the camera along with me, and I hadn’t taken photos for a very long time. I walked along the beach and started taking photos again, and it made me feel a bit more like my old self. I felt so grateful that someone outside my family cared about me and I wanted to give something back. As I missed going for coffee with people, I started a coffee morning to raise funds for the charity. Around 200 people turned up for the first one, which didn’t do my anxiety any good at all! That was back in 2017 and the monthly coffee mornings still continue on the first Monday of every month (unless it’s a bank holiday) and then they are on the second Monday. Anyone is welcome to attend and it’s on at The Riverside Hotel from 11am – 12 noon.

Something I discovered on my wellness journey was a love of art and painting, and I try to paint whenever I can. It really helps me to relax, even just the sound of the paintbrush on the canvas.

There are a couple of techniques that I’ve found to be very helpful. One is ‘little boxes’. I found things to be quite overwhelming if I think about everything I had to do, it’s like having bees buzzing around my head. So, I imagine I had compartments in my head – one for work, one for home, one for worries, one for whatever I happened to be doing at the time etc. I just deal with one box at a time, for example when I was at home the other boxes would be closed.

I also find that imagining all my worries and things I have to do are laid in front of me, and hovering above them helps me. I can look at the bigger picture and see if there’s anything that I can deal with in that moment, or if I can put it back in its box until later.

Through it all I continued to write, I find writing very therapeutic, and most of my story is on my blog. There’s a search button and you can search for mental health, depression, etc. and see the old posts if you’d like to read them.

I’m also a friend to myself now. I know what some of my triggers are, and I don’t force myself to do anything that I’m not comfortable with, like I would have done in the old days. I can feel my internal battery draining when I’m at events, or when I’m out and about, and I know when it’s time for me to leave and go home to recharge my battery.

I’ve stopped comparing myself to people. Most people put out the best version of themselves on social media and it can look like they are having the perfect life. That might not be a reality at all.

I’ve also made friends with the block button on Facebook. Most of the people on my page are positive, but there are negative comments sometimes, and it can be about the most random things, such as me talking a selfie with a cow and being called a stupid woman for ‘photoshopping’ the cow. I don’t even know how to use photoshop!

If you are struggling, have a think about the things that you love, or something you’d like to try, it might help you. Sometimes it’s even as simple as trash TV or a soak in the bath. Just remember that although you might feel like the only person going through this you aren’t alone, and there is support and help.”

Thanks to everyone who listened to me speak today, and once again to Fran and Maeve for being so supportive and amazing. The Sligo Women in Business group are so supportive, and it was the best place to do my first public speech. If at least one person found my talk or blog post helpful, that’s enough for me.