Where I am now

I’m still buzzing from Monday and I’ve been quite reflective about it all. It’s been a real learning curve for me in a very good way. As you know depression hit me this year, the anxiety was always looming but the depression was a new thing.

I’m going to counselling sessions, I can’t say it’s enjoyable but I suppose it’s something that I need to do. You have to go back to go forward. I’m not going to lie, the counselling is draining and it’s really quite difficult looking at yourself in a different way. I’m not sure at the moment if I’m with the right counsellor for me so that’s something that may change.

Anyway I know I’m rambling now. Back to Monday. Probably for the first time in my life I accepted help. I realised that I couldn’t manage the morning on my own and I was so happy to see the amount of people willing to help. I’ve always been fiercely independent so this was a big thing for me to take a step back.

I also realised that I have so many friends and not just ones I know now but ones I have yet to meet. So that’s very exciting, in a way it’s like starting again.

To see so many people from all walks of life spending a couple of hours on Monday morning chatting and making new friends was heartwarming. I’d love this to be a regular thing where everyone feels welcome. In the back of my mind I’d love some kind of community cafe or something similar to a student common room.

That’s another thing that’s come out of this week. The ideas are back. It’s been a long time since I’ve had ideas, my head used to be buzzing with them but in the last few months I had just felt numb. It was almost like I was flat-lining, it was hard to get enthusiasm for anything and there was nothing I really felt like doing. Havin’aLaugh has changed this for me and given me something to think about.

One of my ideas is around the topic of depression. I want to get the word out that anyone can have it, so there is an idea forming. I won’t say too much about it just yet until I see if it’s a runner.

The other idea involves tourism and an ice cream van – yes I know! So if anyone out there has an ice cream van that they might be willing to lend me for a week next year drop me a message.

As I look back over the last few months I’ve realised that depression has taught me a huge amount about myself. It’s also made me a much more compassionate person. It’s taught me not to judge. We have no idea what anyone is going through in their lives.

A little kindness goes a long way. A smile, a kind word, a chat. It can make a huge difference. Mind yourselves and there will be another coffee morning.