Injections, farewells and thoughts

It’s been the most random week I can remember. A film premiere, and an Afternoon Tea followed by the usual supermarket shop and what seemed like 20 appointments of one kind or another.

I started my B12 injections this week, I have to admit I was kind of disappointed. I got it into my head that after one injection I’d be wide awake at 4am and climbing a mountain…wrong. I’ve had two injections so far and haven’t noticed any difference so far. Early days I know as it takes quite a while to feel any difference. The waves of exhaustion are quite overwhelming and I feel like an old woman having to nap in the afternoon. I remember having endless amounts of energy and I’d love to feel like that again. Anyway I have three more injections next week so I’ll keep you updated.

I’ve also had my antidepressant dose increased again. Hopefully this will be the last increase now. For someone who hardly ever took tablets I now seem to be popping pills like there’s no tomorrow.

I’m still trying CBT, it’s sort of making me dwell a bit which isn’t a good thing. I find the hour sessions very tiring – mind you I find everything tiring! I’ve realised over the course of my different therapies that most of my negative thoughts go back to childhood. I managed to stop a panic attack this week using some of the CBT ideas so that’s a good thing. I’ll plod on with it.

My lovely doctor and nurse left the surgery this week. I didn’t know either were leaving and I’ll miss them both. They were so understanding and it’s going to be hard starting over with another doctor and nurse again especially when I’ve built up such a trust with them.

I’m trying to be kinder to myself, I know I am my own worst enemy. I met a lovely lady this week who inspired me to try to get back to the photography. I’m going to try to spend at least one hour a week out and about taking photos. I love exploring and it’ll be great to get interested in that again. I actually started that yesterday during the Sligo Camino – more about that in another blog.

I am a work in progress, there are a lot of things I want to change about myself and I’m actually quite excited in a strange way about becoming a better version of me. It’s really positive for me to say that as I’ve been down in the dumps for such a long time. Perhaps I’ve finally turned a corner.