Feeling Grateful

Yet again I’ve given myself a bit of a kick up the backside and told myself to ‘cop on’. This old depression thing is a devil, one minute I’m riding along the crest of a wave, the next I’ve fallen on my surfboard and overwhelmed by a wave….but I have so much to be grateful for.

Not only my wonderful, long-suffering family who have had to put up with me but I’ve also realised over the past few weeks that I have some wonderful friends and huge support.

Huge thanks have to go to the two ladies who sent me such lovely cards. To the women who have listened to me moan over the last two days. J you are a star and I hope you know that. To S and C who made me laugh today as I recalled my mindfulness panic attack – it’s so bizarre it’s really funny.

Of course to my lovely drama therapist who is so sensible and understands me so well. I wish I was a wise as she is…..maybe one day.

An article was published in Go Wild Magazine about all the adventures I had a couple of years ago exploring the Wild Atlantic Way. It was wonderful to be reminded of that time and the person I used to be before the shadow took over.

I’m going on a mindfulness course on Sunday (fingers crossed I won’t have another panic). I’m also starting CBT next week – this time I’m going with an open mind. I’ve stopped taking the sleeping tablets (all they did was make my body go to sleep but my mind was still racing). Laurence recommended Dormeasan to help me sleep and it works really well although it tastes absolutely disgusting! The higher dose of antidepressants I’m seem to be working a bit although I still have ‘shaky head syndrome’ in the mornings.

I know I won’t be better today or tomorrow, I’m a work in progress….but if all else fails I have ‘nice hair’ or at least that’s what the mindfulness tutor listed as my positive feature in the middle of my panic attack…….

12 thoughts on “Feeling Grateful

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  1. ‘ The Shadow’ is a good description…and even though one is aware of things to be grateful for it doesn’t prevent the brain from going awry….nearly 15 year since my first panic attack leading to complete breakdown and, thankfully recovery….it’s just something one has to live with and give space to as it will always live with you…you just adapt to having it stringing along with the good times and the bad…I love your site and photos they take me back to family holidays in the ’60’s ans 70’s on the wonderful West coast of Ireland fishing with my family. Thankyou! X

  2. Hey Val,best of luck and remember all the great things you have in life. Never look too far ahead as things can be overwhelming. I always remind the guys I coach at the couch to 5k to ‘run the kilometer you are in now’. You cannot get to 3k without reaching 2k first. So one hour and one day at a time. See you soon for a coffee. Please feel free to join us for a walk any Monday or Wednesday in Cleveragh at 7.30,you’re more than welcome and it’s fantastic for ‘headspace’. Best wishes.

  3. It must be so hard. At least you are still writing and expressing yourself and on difficult days getting up, showering and dressing. Day by day seems so trite when I’ve not walked in your shoes, but it’s all I can think of and I wish you continued strength.

  4. Hey, Lady, I’ve dealt with this for over half of my 71 years. I recently was reading a book called “Giants must fall” where the author had the same problem. He ended up having a breakdown and being in hospital. One of the things he learned there that really spoke to me was that if we are too much of a perfectionist, that can end up causing our anxiety. We so need to be in control of what happens that we end up feeling anxious and have no idea why!!
    When you do CBT, you may learn the same. I’ve done many many years of CBT!! Not doing it right now, but may again.
    I also have a very strong faith, and hanging on to God has kept me going when nothing else could. You are in my prayers. You’ll make it, dear girl. Find happiness in small moments – a bird song, a perfect picture, a friend who loves you. You know how to do this, I know, because you do it for ME in your posts!! I have never met you in person, but you have my love, anyway.
    Best wishes!!

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