As we reach the end of the year and I look back I’m amazed how far I’ve come. Things that would have petrified me before, now don’t worry me at all.
To give you a couple of examples;
Before Christmas I went to a local market and I remember going earlier in the year and not being comfortable at all, I raced round the place, barely looking at anything or anyone and was frightened that someone might talk to me. I even remember even going a couple of years ago and not being able to get out of the car. I just took one look at the people going in and came home again. I couldn’t face it. The last time I went I loved it, I talked to the stall holders, took my time deciding what to buy and even walked around a few times. Such progress.
Yesterday I went along to my local parkrun. I went to this in October 2018, I’d convinced myself I was going to get fit – not going to happen by running anyway! I looked at everyone chatting and just couldn’t join it, it was like there was an invisible wall between me and them. Something that I just couldn’t cross. I went back yesterday to volunteer, I talked to people and enjoyed talking to them, it was a really lovely morning and I even ran a bit as I talked to someone I knew!
It just proves to me that whatever mindset I was in, it was just that – a mindset. I’d got myself into such a state that I couldn’t join in or enjoy the things I went to. I took a huge step back from everything during the year and it did me the world of good. Yes I still get the occasional skip of my heart, yes I still get nervous, but I’ve learned what works for me to deal with situations and to calm myself down.
I’m amazed when I think how bad I was and how I am now. It’s like I’m a different person. If any of you are reading this and have been going through something similar I hope this shows you that you can get better. Be kind to yourself.