As we reach the end of the year and I look back I’m amazed how far I’ve come. Things that would have petrified me before, now don’t worry me at all.
To give you a couple of examples;
Before Christmas I went to a local market and I remember going earlier in the year and not being comfortable at all, I raced round the place, barely looking at anything or anyone and was frightened that someone might talk to me. I even remember even going a couple of years ago and not being able to get out of the car. I just took one look at the people going in and came home again. I couldn’t face it. The last time I went I loved it, I talked to the stall holders, took my time deciding what to buy and even walked around a few times. Such progress.
Yesterday I went along to my local parkrun. I went to this in October 2018, I’d convinced myself I was going to get fit – not going to happen by running anyway! I looked at everyone chatting and just couldn’t join it, it was like there was an invisible wall between me and them. Something that I just couldn’t cross. I went back yesterday to volunteer, I talked to people and enjoyed talking to them, it was a really lovely morning and I even ran a bit as I talked to someone I knew!
It just proves to me that whatever mindset I was in, it was just that – a mindset. I’d got myself into such a state that I couldn’t join in or enjoy the things I went to. I took a huge step back from everything during the year and it did me the world of good. Yes I still get the occasional skip of my heart, yes I still get nervous, but I’ve learned what works for me to deal with situations and to calm myself down.
I’m amazed when I think how bad I was and how I am now. It’s like I’m a different person. If any of you are reading this and have been going through something similar I hope this shows you that you can get better. Be kind to yourself.
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Beautiful blog Val, and yes, you have come a long way- you are amazing. It does my heart good to see you finding yourself and being comfortable in it. And look at the sparkle in your eyes now well done you. I, and I know others can relate to what you are saying about the challenges- thank you for sharing ❤
So proud of you. Its not easy. I live in Wales and after an illness felt exactly the same. It was a mind set, had a good chat with myself, and set a target if coming over to Ireland alone!!!! Just driving to the ferry I was petrefied… But I did it. I had to, I came back as a whole person within a week. Few obsitcles and hitches along the way but that’s another story. Onwards and upwards xx
Thank you so much Mair and well done to you! A big, brave journey on your own xx