This old anxiety is a strange thing. I thought I was doing OK, I thought I was doing really well in fact, until last night.
I was going to a dinner and instead of arriving early as I would normally do I was a bit later. So when I walked into the room there were three tables laid out, two were full and one had a few people sitting at it. I shuffled in and sat down feeling very awkward.
Everyone was chatting or going up and introducing themselves and I was stuck to the chair. I didn’t have the confidence to walk up to someone and introduce myself and I didn’t see anyone I knew. I just sat there like a potato.
After about ten minutes I decided I would go home. It would be a fairly miserable dinner if I sat on my own. This, of course, is no fault of the organisers or anyone else, this is my problem.
I was just about to leave when a lady walked in who I knew from Facebook. I didn’t recognise her but she knew me. I’ve never been so pleased to see someone in my life! We sat together and two other people came up and introduced themselves and sat with us.
In the end it was a really lovely evening, the food was fantastic as was the company. So I’m delighted I stayed. A big reminder for me that I may think I’m doing well but it’s not always going to be easy.
That’s how depression works , it lets you think everything is fine and it is – until it isn’t …. it sneaks up on you at the most unexpected times …
Youre doing great Val. Never forget where youve come from in your recovery. And when you know you triggers for anxiety by and large you can cope with them
Thank you Ann. I’m doing so much better than I was.
I feel for you Val. Recently had a similar experience. It was the first time I had been out for several weeks due to being bed bound by a non contagious illness. I was late arriving as the address given was vague and phone directions more vague. I had been looking foward to the evening for a long time.
Sadly, because I turned up with a pillow to raise my leg on a chair to avoid pain it seemed I was regarded as a leper. I tried joining in conversations but seem to be regarded as a nuisance. People actually turned their heads away to try and avoid I was there. In the end I gave up and sat in silence waiting for my lift home.
It happens Val, and thiis was a gathering where I knew some people, but they just did not want to talk with me. We just have to forget it right away, quickly move onto something responsive and enjoy those new better moments.
I’m so sorry to read that John. It seems some people can’t deal with anything out of the norm for them.
I hope you are feeling better soon.
It is very hard work to sit alone at a gathering, to try to just enjoy watching everyone, to wait in waves of anxiety for someone to care enough to approach. I too have been that person who just got up and left in pain. It only made the next gathering harder. I understand anxiety, and I appreciate your sharing your experience, and how it unfolded in a beautiful way in the end. You give hope to others who suffer in this way.
Thank you Sara, I’m really glad I did stay because as you said it would have put me off going to another event.