Well I got more sleep last night than usual, although it was a restless, troubled, sleep with really vivid dreams and constant waking up. Last night I had warm milk and cinnamon before I went to bed and it seemed to do something.
Today I’ve had magnesium taurate and an epsom salt foot bath so we’ll see if that helps. I know the lack of sleep isn’t doing me any good, my energy levels mirror my bank balance – empty. So I’m not in the best frame of mind, I felt even worse today when I saw a person being dragged out of the river, he was OK thankfully but it’s heartbreaking to see people suffering.
I find it so hard to fit in and I know it’s my problem. I’m back to being in a ‘not worthy’ mode. I’ve tried to join different groups but I always feel like an outsider. I’m there but I’m kind of invisible. I was in a group for some years and I thought I had friends there but something was said about me and it upset me so I left and haven’t heard from most of the group since. I know I could contact some of them but I’m not in the right frame of mind at the moment.
I’m bored of myself at the moment, I want to change most things about me. I’ve been wanting to get blue streaks in my hair for weeks and ended up dipping my hair in bleach last night to try to lighten it for the blue. Not hair bleach but domestos! – yes I know. Anyway not recommended and anyway I didn’t leave it on long enough for it to work anyway. I feel old and frumpy – and boring. I also talk way too much, it’s like verbal diarrhoea and I know I put people off me.
I feel like I need to reinvent myself.I really want a makeover, I’ve wanted one for years and now that 50 is fast approaching it seems more urgent. I still don’t have a clue about fashion or what suits me and I’d some help with that.
I have some creative ideas that I’d like to pursue and also some interesting projects in the pipeline. I’m actually going on a Barista course tomorrow. Just think I’ll be able to make coffee, photograph it, write about it, Instagram it and drink it! The way I look at it is that it’s another string to my bow and I enjoy learning new things too.
So that’s my news for today. Thanks for reading.