It’s hard to believe that next Sunday will be Christmas Day, and I am not organised in the slightest. A week of being at home due to the ice certainly didn’t help, but the temperatures are picking up – although I had a false sense of security today when I went out for a walk and ended up on my backside. Luckily, I didn’t do any damage – I knew my love of cake would come in handy at some stage.
I had a bit of an anxiety battle recently, we had our work Christmas outing and I was getting myself into such a state – sleepless nights, and when I finally did sleep I was dreaming about what was going to happen. I think it probably stems back to the first panic attack I had when I’d been on a night out – it was so awful, and I was probably convinced that it was going to happen again.
I’d really got myself into a right old state and I almost didn’t go, but I made myself go and I’m delighted that I did. I’m very open about my anxiety, so I told a few people how I was feeling, and I felt very safe in doing that. It was a pretty busy schedule but there were a couple of hours of free time and I went for a lovely bath, a read of a book, and a relax before our night out.
I have to say I had an absolute ball on the night out, I’d forgotten how much I like dancing, and the place we were in had a great atmosphere, it felt like a big family party, and I had so much fun. I’ve come to the realisation that anxiety is just something that’s part of me now, and I’m OK with that. In fact, it makes me think more about looking after myself, and that’s not a bad thing.
The people I spoke to about feeling anxious said that they never would have guessed, but I’m great at masking how I feel – which is probably not a good thing, because I look like I’m OK, and that can lead to me being overwhelmed. Every day is a learning day, and attending this event felt like a huge accomplishment to me – onwards and upwards!