Retracing my steps

It’s the time of year that brings back memories don’t you think? Sometimes you have to go back to move forward. So today was a day of doing that.

It’s six months since my mum died and I wanted to bring a gift to the nursing home who looked after her so well. I couldn’t bring myself to do that before now. So today I bit the bullet and off I went. On my way I stopped at the Holy Well, this place always brings me a sense of peace even though I’m not religious.

I heard the sound of church bells and I knew a family was saying goodbye to their mother. It happens to us all in the end.

I have to admit my heart was jumping as I made my way to the nursing home. I’m glad that there was no one on the desk and I could just leave my gift. I couldn’t help but look at the door of the room that mum took her last breath in. There was another name on the door and I thought of the poor soul inside and how his family must be feeling. I wouldn’t wish it on anyone.

When I left the nursing home the birds were singing and the sun was trying to shine. Just as it was on that day in June. I’m OK though.

I also sent a card to one of my psychologists today. He helped me more than he will ever know. He gave me courage and told me not to leave myself with any regrets. He was right and with his help I realised I was quite brave and able to face up to a lot of things. I don’t see him anymore, I don’t need to, but his words will stay with me.

It was important for me to do these small things today, I feel like I’ve accomplished something.