Far from the madding crowd

Lone HorseI’ve always enjoyed my own company. I’m happy going off for a wander, visiting new places and trying new adventures.

In recent years I’ve noticed I’m getting very bad socially. I have a couple of close friends and of course my lovely family but that’s it. In the past I’ve gone along to an event, walked in the door and walked straight back out again. Some days are better than others.

Last night was something else. I went along to something I’d been looking forward to for a long time. I was having a lovely time during the meal but when it was over our group moved into the bar area. This finished the evening for me. I just stood looking and couldn’t bring myself to join everyone. I’m wondering what on earth is wrong with me. I found the noise and all the people just completely overwhelming and had to leave. Part of me is kicking myself because I’m sure I would have had a lovely time if I’d have stayed. The other part of me was so relieved to come home. I think if I’d have stayed I would have had some kind of panic attack.

I suppose the point of this blog is to hopefully know that I’m not the only person who feels like this and also if anyone has any advice I’d be very grateful. I have moments where I’m very outgoing but more often than not these days I just want to run away from everything.

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9 thoughts on “Far from the madding crowd

  1. Department of Speculation says:

    Hiya, I’ve been thinking about this post since reading it last night. It’s funny – I had earlier in week been thinking I should take a leaf from your book and get involved more in local activities. Your determination to participate in life’s variety of stuff nearly gets me off my arse. I guess the most sociable of folk still have waves of retreat, inexplicable and otherwise. You most definitely are not alone. I hope it’s transient. Sometimes it takes courage to retreat rather than exhaust yourself with joining in when you’re just not in the groove. 🙂

  2. EarthMoonStars says:

    I know exactly what you mean. After a lifetime of being extrovert and doing all those things, I just got fed up.And then I ended up totally exhausted from not listening to my body and brain trying to tell me something important,I don’t know how it happened, but I do know that some of us are trying hard to fit in to society norms and maybe a lof of people are introverts trying to be extroverts. I think I have been a people pleaser for too long. I know about those panick attacks too. They are ,I feel, your body and you mind trying to tell you that you should be who you really are. Enough is enough and the person you need to please now, is yourself! Go with it and don’t try to fight it. It’s ok to be an introvert. It doesn’t mean you cant have fun in the pub from time to time, or meet a big group of people again, But maybe not as often as before? And maybe that’s not your idea of fun anymore. We change from time to time. I know the Irish culture is to meet up in big groups , but it can be good to just spend time alone and/or to meet just one or two at a time. I know that it’s good for me, accepting how I am now. I’m not mad, nor am I terminally ill (or a people-hater.), I feel so much better from accepting who I am.

  3. ab says:

    I know exactly what you mean. After a lifetime of being extrovert and doing all those things, I just got fed up.And then I ended up totally exhausted from not listening to my body and brain trying to tell me something important,I don’t know how it happened, but I do know that some of us are trying hard to fit in to society norms and maybe a lof of people are introverts trying to be extroverts. I think I have been a people pleaser for too long. I know about those panick attacks too. They are ,I feel, your body and you mind trying to tell you that you should be who you really are. Enough is enough and the person you need to please now, is yourself! Go with it and don’t try to fight it. It’s ok to be an introvert. It doesn’t mean you cant have fun in the pub from time to time, or meet a big group of people again, But maybe not as often as before? And maybe that’s not your idea of fun anymore. We change from time to time. I know the Irish culture is to meet up in big groups , but it can be good to just spend time alone and/or to meet just one or two at a time. I know that it’s good for me, accepting how I am now. I’m not mad, nor am I terminally ill (or a people-hater.), I feel so much better from accepting who I am.

  4. jules says:

    Hello… I know this feeling very, very well. I’ll be at a party or event having a great time, but suddenly I have Had Enough and feel like I MUST get away in order to breathe. I have wondered about it, and have only recently come across information about being an Introvert. I was so surprised to find that it fit me so well! In short, much as I like people, socializing drains energy from me rather than feeding energy to me. I now know consciously that I have to take a lot of alone time to re-charge my soul batteries in between social things.
    Your post sounds like you hit the Soul Battery Wall, and needed to get away to recharge it again. Nurturing the inner Introvert seems to be an “in” thing lately and there is plenty of information in The Google! I sure hope that helps. I know that being more aware of it has helped me. 🙂

  5. Denise says:

    Hi, I thought about your post for a few days now. I am totally the same; I am the queen of social anxiety! I rarely go out but at Christmas I decided to make an effort to see friends that I hadn’t seen in a while…in the dreaded pub. I swear for the first half an hour I couldn’t talk, I was uptight, I thought I was going to have a panic attack, FREAKING OUT for no reason. And I can chat to anyone comfortably if I met them while out for a walk or in any other situation but I am bad at big gatherings or when there is noise. I stuck it out at Christmas though…made it through the panicky stage and managed to have an enjoyable enough night. There have been many nights though where I have high-tailed it home to be in my Pj’s 🙂 I have found that it happens to people of all ages, I am 27 and have social anxiety..my boyfriend and his friends get it and they’re ranging from 35-45 (they just cover it up better than me!) Bottom line is that you are not alone. Far from it. Your blog is refreshingly honest! We an all power through the social anxiety and conquer it….maybe awkwardly, but we’ll get there. Thanks for writing this blog.

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