Thoughts on Friday

Yesterday was a real mixed bag of a day. Firstly I went to Tubbercurry for a Reiki treatment which I was delighted to win. I was so exhausted when I arrived to Tanya’s clinic. You know the way you feel bone tired? I felt like my energy was completely gone. I’ve had Reiki a couple of times before and I do find it very difficult to calm my mind. As Tanya said it’s like a hamster running on a wheel. This lady is so intuitive and she picked up on so many things. I was completely stunned! I’m still stunned when I think about it. I left with a spring in my step that I haven’t felt in a long time.

In an ideal world I’d have come home to rest but it was one of those situations where I find myself looking around for someone who is more ‘adulty’ than I am. Do you know what I mean? I remember when I was a child looking at people in their 50s and thinking they really had their act together. Now I’m that age I realise that’s not the case at all!

So I had to go in to register my mother’s death. It’s a strange feeling, the waiting room is quite garish; purple chairs, a green floor and bright lights. I took a ticket and waited to be called. I sat with new parents and beautiful babies and I clutched the cause of death form. When my number was called I stood at the counter (somewhat like the motor tax office) and gave details of my mum, my dad and even my grandparents. I signed my name, paid €20 and was told to sit in the waiting room. When the certificate was typed up I was called into the office and given a seat this time to check the details were correct before it was printed. It was all very cold and clinical as I left with a brown enveloped containing details of my mother’s existence.

In the midst of it all I received a message from a friend asking me if I’d like to meet for a coffee and a chat. I think the overwhelming feeling I’ve had through this whole experience is of loneliness and isolation so to get this message meant so much to me. I know I’m blessed to be surrounded by my wonderful family and they are amazing but since my mum died it’s taken me right back to the depression days where the friends that I thought I had vanish into thin air. Grief isn’t contagious. I promise if I meet you I won’t burst into tears. I’m back to the feeling that I must be an unlikable person if friends drop me just like that. Anyway more lessons learnt for me.

Thanks for reading.