Getting Focused

There’s a change on the horizon. I can feel it, in fact at this stage I can almost see it. It’s been looming for a while but it’s getting closer. The love of photography is back with a bang and for weeks I’ve been waking up at some ridiculous hour wanting to climb a mountain.

That’s huge in itself as this time last year I didn’t have the energy to climb the stairs let alone think about a mountain. I’m beginning to notice things again. Last week I was driving in to town and I noticed signs No, No, No – from the referendum but a sign to me that I need to say no a lot more. The other signs I noticed were Used (as in used cars) but certainly how I was feeling at the time.  Do you know what? I only have myself to blame. If I don’t value myself no one else will. I am worth so much more than a free coffee or a free lunch and I need to remember that. To be honest there’s no such thing as a free lunch anyway.

Another thing that has become glaring obvious in the last few weeks is that financially I need to give myself a kick. I would love to be able to help my kids out, Jono with medical assistance and Lucy with a deposit for a place, but I can’t afford to do it. Again that’s my fault, if I’d said no years ago this might have been a different story. It’s made me angry at myself but I suppose I thought I was being a nice person, being helpful, perhaps trying to make myself likable. All the time I was helping out the wrong people because when I go looking those people are long gone. Not all of them but the majority of them.

The tide, hopefully, is changing. I know I’ve kind of tried before but I’ve never been as focused as I am now. I’m not 100% sure what direction I want to go in but I know what direction I don’t want to go in and it’s time to try to sort that out.

Thanks for taking the time to read this….now where’s that mountain?

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