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Alive again

Strange title for a blog post I know but I was driving along with Jono and Lucy the other day and Coldplay – Adventure of a Lifetime came on the radio. Listening to it got me thinking – I am alive again. I spent so much of last year feeling dead inside that it’s a fantastic to feel alive again. You know how Scrooge was when he lived to see Christmas? Well that’s how I feel.

I can’t say what exactly turned things around for me but I’d say it’s a number of things:

1. My family, without a doubt the most supportive, loyal people.

2. My friends, I don’t have many close friends but the ones I do have are fantastic.

3. My gorgeous dogs. Just to give them a cuddle helps immensely.

3. Havin’a Laugh – they were there at my darkest time and I’m so grateful.

4. Medication. I was very against it at the beginning but I needed something and if I carry on feeling as good as I do now I’ll be happy to stay on it.

5. Art. Life really turned around for me when I picked up a paint brush. I don’t know how or why but it gives me such pleasure and I’m delighted I found it.

The biggest thing is probably the internal conversation that goes on. I fought for so long against my ‘shadow’ self but it’s the calmer side of me. Today I had all kinds of things planned but when I woke up I didn’t really want to do anything much so the internal conversation started: ‘Do I have to go, do I want to go and so on.’ In the end I only did what I felt like doing and I didn’t give myself a hard time about not doing the rest.

I still haven’t got the sleep issue completely sorted but I’m getting there and I’m not on sleeping tablets so that’s progress.

I like the person I am now and that’s a huge step. It’s probably the first time in my life that I’ve ever liked me 🙂 it took me long enough!

The photo was taken today. My make-up arrived from RTE and Lucy gave me a makeover 🙂 I’ll have to try doing it myself one day and see if I can manage. Have a good weekend everyone x

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