Oh no I hear you all cry, it’s another insomnia post from herself. Don’t worry this is a good one, mind you I’d love a bag of chips right now.
I’m doing great, really great. Yes I’m sorry that Sligo Acts has finished – I miss the gang but another part of me is delighted to get back to ‘normal’ – I’m still not sure what normal is but you know what I mean. I’m delighted to have more time for painting, I’ve really missed it, I’m in another world when I’m sitting at my table.
I was thinking back to how different I am to the person I was this time last year. I still feel anxious on occasion but I’ve completely changed the way I deal with the feeling. I would have panicked before and of course that made matters worse. It reminds me of a car being out of control, speeding down a road with no brakes and no steering. Of course that car will come crashing to a halt. These days I’ve found the brakes and I’m in control of the car.
The way I look at it is that it’s like I have a pause button. Whenever I feel scared or anxious I press pause and take myself out of the situation. It’s hard to explain but it’s like I’m hovering above and looking at the bigger picture. This gives me a chance to look at things logically and decide how to proceed. It makes life so much easier. I’m no longer in fight or flight mode, I’m in pause mode until I decide the right course of action for me. I wish I’d discovered this way of coping months ago. It gives me a bit of breathing space and stops the child in me flouncing. The adult me takes over and the outcome is so much better. Even if things don’t always pan out the way I hope they will I’m not beating myself up about it. It’s fantastic when you find something that works.
I wa just saying to Jono today that while I wouldn’t wish depression or anxiety on anyone it’s had a profound effect on me and I’ve come out the other side stronger and really proud of myself. I know every day is a new day and I might not always feel this positive but I also know I can deal with pretty much whatever life has in store for me. It’s a great feeling.
Now I’m off to eat my ’emergency’ banana. It’s not quite a bag of chips but it’s healthier and it might make me sleep.