Phase 1

Here we go with the sleepless nights again. This is night number 2 and I’m wide awake, so I’ll write in the hope it’ll send me to sleep.

It seems like the country is starting to emerge. Phase one kicked off on Monday and judging from the amount of people and cars I saw today it feels like all this is over.

But I’m worried. I’ve read about countries having a second wave, I’ve read about the people still dying and I’ve read about the Spanish flu of 1918 where people celebrated after quantine was lifted and the second wave happened.

I know we have experts, but how are they experts when we’ve never had anything of this scale in our lifetime?

I think it would be good to see into the future and then I think maybe not. I’m telling myself to just live in the moment but it is worrying. I suppose if I didn’t have people relying on me that I wouldn’t be so bad.

The nights I do sleep I’m inside these mad dreams which tire me out more than if I was awake. They remind me of the panic attacks with everything amplified; sound, colours, faces. I know I’m dreaming but I can’t wake up. Some nights I’m choking in my sleep and I’m telling myself to wake up, sometimes I do wake, struggling to breathe.

I wonder what will happen from here. I feel like it’s some kind of warped game like The Sims, where someone or something is controlling our lives. The joys of an overactive imagination.

Maybe now I’ve got all this out of my head I’ll sleep.


8 thoughts on “Phase 1

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  1. I think the second wave will come, not if but when. We all have to do our part and stay safe, and try to have the people that you interact with be safe and responsible too. I do believe this will all pass, but it will not be over for everyone to be safe till a vaccine is found and applied world wide. I just pray that the day will come sooner then later. Sleep well my dear, and have pleasant dreams for a change.

  2. Sorry to hear this Val but hopefully the vivid dreams are short lived. At the beginning of lockdown I had a couple of weeks of this and sleeplessness but thankfully its settled. Id get up, make a cuppa, stick on tv news (boring enough to make you want to sleep) and do a puzzle or sudoku to distract my mind. I sleep much better in the early morning than during the nght so i do lie on in the mornings now and sleep when i can. Please dont stress and this will pass over šŸ¤ž. I know you’ve a busy mind šŸ˜
    Take care Val. xx

  3. Val, do you ever read that regular FB posting from Dr Mark Rowe in Waterford town? I’ve found his daily encouragement to be of great benefit in changing my mind from fear to peace. Above is the link for today. He’s such a gentle-hearted person, with all kinds of ideas on mental health.
    Wishing you great progress in your walk,
    Sara McLain

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