Phase 1

Here we go with the sleepless nights again. This is night number 2 and I’m wide awake, so I’ll write in the hope it’ll send me to sleep.

It seems like the country is starting to emerge. Phase one kicked off on Monday and judging from the amount of people and cars I saw today it feels like all this is over.

But I’m worried. I’ve read about countries having a second wave, I’ve read about the people still dying and I’ve read about the Spanish flu of 1918 where people celebrated after quantine was lifted and the second wave happened.

I know we have experts, but how are they experts when we’ve never had anything of this scale in our lifetime?

I think it would be good to see into the future and then I think maybe not. I’m telling myself to just live in the moment but it is worrying. I suppose if I didn’t have people relying on me that I wouldn’t be so bad.

The nights I do sleep I’m inside these mad dreams which tire me out more than if I was awake. They remind me of the panic attacks with everything amplified; sound, colours, faces. I know I’m dreaming but I can’t wake up. Some nights I’m choking in my sleep and I’m telling myself to wake up, sometimes I do wake, struggling to breathe.

I wonder what will happen from here. I feel like it’s some kind of warped game like The Sims, where someone or something is controlling our lives. The joys of an overactive imagination.

Maybe now I’ve got all this out of my head I’ll sleep.