Waiting, worrying and wishing

Later today I take Jono to his appointment in Dublin. I should be asleep but that would be the sensible option.

Instead I’m wide awake listening to the house creaking, Puggly snoring and feeling the knots in my shoulders.

This appointment has been a long time coming. I’m wondering if the doctor will spend longer than 5 minutes with us or will another important phone call come through that means he has to leave the room never to return.

I’m wondering if Jono will be waiting hours to be seen. I’m wondering how many other poor souls will be waiting.

I’m wishing I could swap places with both Jono and Lucy. Both have things to deal with that people of their age shouldn’t have to and I look helplessly on angry, with the cards they’ve been dealt.

Sometimes it’s the hardest thing being a mother. You want to fix things but you can’t. This makes me angry and sad.

In 24 hours we might know what happens next. Or maybe we won’t. Maybe there’ll be more waiting ahead. Sometimes I wish I could see into the future or press a fast forward button and sometimes I’m glad that I can’t.

I’ll let you know how things go.