This photo was taken last year. I look happy and well but it’s amazing how a smile hides the pain. I wasn’t in a good place when this was taken. I was depressed and very anxious, suffering from panic attacks and struggling to fix myself. Physically I was in good shape, as in I was a size 10, I wasn’t eating much though. I was on medication including antidepressants and sleeping tablets and I was very low in B12.
Fast forward to this year:
I’m off the meds, I’m relaxed, I’m not depressed, I still get a bit anxious occasionally but nothing like before. I’ve discovered what a lot of my triggers are so I choose not to subject myself to them. I’m still learning. I realised this week that a late night in a noisy pub isn’t a good place for me. I also realised I’m really not good at all in crowds sometimes and that’s OK. I’m not happy with the weight but I’m unable to lose it even though I’m trying. It’s a small price to pay though. I’d rather be happy and heavy than thin and miserable.
I suppose the aim of this post is to reach out to those who might not be in a good place. If someone told me last year that things would get better I wouldn’t have believed them. It can and does get better though. Look after yourself if you aren’t in a good place. Do what works for you. You can’t mind others until you mind yourself first.
Thanks for reading.