Yes I’m awake at an ungodly hour again which is a bit daft as I used a sleep spray on my pillow but it’s having the opposite effect.
I thought I had the worrying under control and mostly I have but I am worried about the car. It’s still playing up and although I love living in the sticks the downside is that the public transport is almost nonexistent. I know there’s nothing I can do about this issue at the moment so I really should park it (pun intended) and move on. If this year has taught me anything it’s taught me to trust in some kind of higher being to look out for me.
I’m ending the year in a much more settled place than I started it. This time last year we had recently moved and I was exhausted. It took most of 2017 to actually feel at home here. Now I love the place, it is home and there’s nowhere I’d rather be.
2017 also showed me there are people out there who really care about me. Most of them aren’t the people who were around me this time last year and that’s OK. People move on, some people aren’t who you think they are at all, most have their own issues to deal with. I can smile at the memories and look forward to making new ones. I’ll still be cautious though.
Over this week I’ve had a chance to play with the camera, something I haven’t done in ages. I’ve also really enjoyed drawing and painting. It’s so relaxing and therapeutic.
I won’t be sorry to say goodbye to this year but it has taught me a lot about myself and I’m grateful for that. It’s also shown me that I’m quite a strong person underneath it all, even if most of the time I don’t feel like one.
I’m doing OK and I know whatever life throws at me I’ll get through it. It might not always be easy but that’s OK. I’ve always believed that you only get given the things in life that you can deal with, although I do wonder how some poor souls have to endure so much pain and suffering.
I’ll end this post by saying thank you all once again for your support. The people were have been there for me, they know who they are, I am eternally grateful.
I hope the insomnia leaves soon. I found some things work for me, while others don’t, and some times certain scents do not relax me, while they may for others. It sounds like you have had an amazing year of growth, which more often them not is pretty ugly, and hard as hell, and takes so much energy-nothing like they show in the movies. But, this ugly growth can help one discover their inner beauty, and essence, and authenticity. It can also be hard on relationships, as once one starts to discover who they really are, they discover who will stick by them, and who wont. I know I did, and I lost friends along this journey, but have meet some amazing ones who are with me through thick and thin and enrich my life so much more. It also took me awhile to realize that the ones who are no longer friends- its not about me, it says more about them, and thats OK. I wish you well on your journey, and may you discover many more amazing things about yourself, and many more amazing treasures that make you you ❤