Of course it’s 4am and I’m wide awake and really hungry.
So far this week it’s been another up and down one.
Monday was a really low day. I’m fed up of this whole numb feeling. It’s like there’s no emotion there at all. I went back to the doctor to see if I could change the antidepressants or stop them but she advised me to stay on them until I talk to my counsellor.
I was in such a low mood that I cancelled meeting a friend and didn’t go to choir. I couldn’t face it.
I’m also in two minds about the choir at the moment. We have a big concert coming up and I’m scared. I don’t feel good enough. Here we go again with the worthless feeling.
Tuesday was a better day. I was asked to go on the radio to talk about the long waiting lists for scoliosis patients (there’s another blog in that). What surprised me was how fired up I got when I was speaking. So deep down there is feeling there, it just needs a fair bit of prodding to come out.
I also went to my first ever yoga class, again there’s another blog post, I’m trying to find the cure for relaxation. I’m still hoping for a miracle cure or a magic wand.
I have a million things to do today ahead of Jono and I going away. I’m so not organised which isn’t like me at all but for once I’ve written a list of everything I have to do. I would normally have all kinds of plans for places to visit when we are away but it’s going to just be spur of the moment things this time.
If anyone out there is on sertraline how are you finding it? Is this high and low feeling normal? I know everyone is different but I’d love to find out what works for people.
I’m now going to try to sleep again which is going to be difficult with my stomach rumbling and the craving I have for a bag of chips. There’s another thing, the old me hates chips! The depressed me always wants a bag in the middle of the night preferably smothered in salt and vinegar.
Goodnight all x