Middle of the night musings

Of course it’s the middle of the night and I’m wide awake.

I’m listening to the rain on the window and grateful to be warm and cosy.

It was a good day mostly. A day spent with Lucy before she returns to college. I love the relationship I have with both my children but it kind of makes me sad for perhaps what could have been with my own parents.

I had a counselling session and in a strange way I like it. One hour with someone just listening to me, or waiting for me to speak. It does make me question myself a lot though and I do wonder what the outcome will be.

At least today I’ve been told CBT (cognitive behavioural therapy) isn’t for me at the moment. I need to move back before I move forward. 

CBT did help as regards the panic attacks but it didn’t help me with the depression. I do know everyone is different though and what works for one person might not be right for someone else. 

The standard advice at the moment seems to be mindfulness and walking. When I walk I think too much so it’s not really an answer for me. I’d much rather be doing a high impact activity. 

I’m actually toying with the idea of going running – midlife crisis how are ya! I have never liked running, it hurts my teeth! So I’m wondering if I’ve been possessed or something!

Speaking of being possessed most of my negative feelings started when we moved home. I have no idea why. We are in the house I wanted to live in for the last eight years. I do know houses hold feelings – lots of experience with that but this is a new house….so what’s that about? Or is it just coincidence?

I’m sure it doesn’t help being surrounded by boxes but I can’t be bothered to empty them. There’s a lot of can’t be bothered going on at the moment.

On a positive note Jono is taking me to The Netherlands for a couple of days next week. He can’t travel on his own so I’m his companion. He loves travelling but can be wiped out by it so I’ll be there to mind him. Mind you I’m a bit apprehensive about where we are staying. It’s cheap and cheerful and Jono has been known to book some crackers in the past. The one with the horse looking in the window springs to mind!

I hope you all have a good weekend. Myself and Jono are going on a day trip of old railway stations in Fermanagh. There are a lot of free things happening there this weekend so worth checking out.

Excuse my unedited ramblings x