Oh there are a lot of thoughts this week, they’ve been bumbling around my head for a while so I’ll try to make sense of them. Have a read and let me know what you think.
The first thing I want to talk about is disconnection. In a world were we are so connected with technology we are becoming more and more disconnected. Maybe that’s just me, I’ve never been great at picking up the phone and speaking to people, so I just don’t do it these days. It’s not just the talking though it’s the Facebook groups and WhatsApp groups too, on the majority of them it seems to be one person sending all the messages. I’m guilty of being the person who kills the messages dead so now I tend to stay on the sidelines. I also have very little tact, I’d get straight to the point without any of the politeness first – I’m trying to work on that one.
Anyway I feel disconnected, I know I should send people messages but I don’t have anything to say. I haven’t done anything so there isn’t anything to talk about. I’m seeing so much nastiness online so I just mainly share photos – and even that’s not a safe thing to do. When the lockdowns first started I was trying to get my head around things, I was waiting for a food shop to open so I got a coffee and sat by the river. The sun was beating down and the sky was a beautiful blue, I took a photo and shared it to twitter. Almost immediately someone who I know in real life and who I respected, started a thread about how that wasn’t essential and how I shouldn’t have been sitting by the river. Yes it was essential, it was essential for my wellbeing, as someone who has experience of anxiety and depression I needed those five minutes and I thought the photo might bring joy to others. So who was this person to judge me?
So with the disconnected feeling I’m actually dreading when we have to meet up with people in real life. If I can’t socialise online how am I going to be able to do it in real life? Even thinking about it causes anxiety. Do you feel the same?
We will be allowed to travel within our counties from tomorrow, I should say permitted but it’s kind of the same thing. We can also meet up with one other person from another household outside. I’m looking forward to going to the sea, I’ve missed it. I’m also looking forward to going on walks that I haven’t been on for a while. I haven’t arranged to meet anyone though, again it’s back to the disconnected feeling. I was always quite a loner and now I’m even more of one, I’m grateful that I like my own company but I get on my nerves sometimes!
I’d love to know your thoughts on this. If you don’t want to leave a comment on the blog you can drop me an email valrobus@gmail.com
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Good (Sunday-)morning Val. You describe this feeling of disconnectedness, if that’s a word at all, and it is not something to put aside too quickly. Part of your words and thoughts could be mine as well and probably many others’ too. I sort of blame it on myself as there was no other choice than being on my own. I got “lazy” in connecting to people as i knew i would not be able to share any reallife-time. I know i should try to make an effort, but it seems that covid/lockdown drained the energy. Here’s one promise; we will meet, we will have a coffee somewhere and we may even go for a walk along the sea. Let’s make it happen after vaccination. In the mean time: hold on.
Yes you have it. I too have also got lazy and have little energy to stay connected.
I’ll look forward to that coffee/walk.
Ah Val, I get it I really do. Feeling disconnected comes from years of anxiety and protecting oneself by avoiding people. I was the exact same for years. I felt safer in my own company. But it’s a dangerous place to stay always as it can make the disconnected feeling even worse. I used to be terrible at picking up the phone also but now I do but only to a few people I trust. I don’t entertain nonsense from anyone so the friends i do have are good ones. It could be as simple as a message, how are you? How is your week going? I can still fall into the thinking of ‘ah sure they’ve better things to be doing than talking to me’ or ‘I haven’t the patience to talk to anyone’. We have to sometime ignore those inner voices or tell them politely to move aside. I even find myself feeling excited and anxious at the same time that restrictions are easing. I want to be able to move about but it also means perhaps more expectations from others. As for social media, it can be a cruel place which is why I don’t live off it but when your work and life is dependent on social media it’s difficult to avoid those who have nothing in their own lives so they live in a state of negativity and have to make others feel negative to. It’s always about them never about you, it’s something they have going on in their own lives. It’s tough but don’t engage with those if at all possible. Push yourself out to say hi to friends you trust and don’t listen to the voice that tells you to stay where it’s comfortable and safe or the disconnected feeling will grow. I keep myself to myself at times aswell but anytime you need Val you can drop a message or we can meet for a walk on the beach. You are loved Val. Xx
ah that’s a lovely message Teresa, and very wise words.
It’s the pushing myself that I can’t do, I tell myself people don’t want to hear from me so I just don’t bother.
xx
Your thoughts and mine. This covid bubble is semi-safe emotionally. The less we speak to people the more difficult it seems to start again. Apart from not having much to chat about as we aren’t doing much. Im hoping that once I do reconnect friendships will pick up again. Choose a friend who doesn’t judge for that first walk/coffee/chinwag. Ive kind of reconnected gently by the volunteering at vaccine centre. People are moving past me so its a quick hello, nice to see you greeting. Yet I feel I’ve reconnected on a simple level. No engagement, no pressure. As always thank you for putting into words what many of us are feeling. And continue to ignore the keyboard warriors. Bet they’re the ones popping up to Asda to do their ‘essential’ shopping. 😉X
lol Ann, thanks for the chuckle, you are so right.
I hope you are keeping well and look forward to seeing you soon
Totally agree with everything you say here Val… The state as I feel it is emotionally numb .. Everything has ground to a standstill we are nervous around each other the ever present threat of covid and it’s mutations.. I have had part one of the Vaccine but can’t say I feel suddenly reassured its recommended so you go for it and hope for the best..the restrictions have lead many to buy a dog or take up fishing jogging cycling so even the rough forest walks around has a constant stream of people trying to find( mostly unsuccessfully) alone time.. It isn’t normal even the local health centre is like fort knox with a minimum of people allowed in at any time.. It would be nice if there was a clearly defined date when “normality” will return but that’s isn’t going to happen or will be short-lived..
I get the emotionally numb part Bert. I go between that and high anxiety.
I hope when you are fully vaccination and when the rest of the world is there might be some kind of normal…but who knows.
It’s just how it is Val a time of organised chaos with no certainty . Everything’s up the left but that’s life ..🙂
Thank you for sharing what was on your heart. I think there would be a lot of people who feel the very same. I am one of them. I am very sorry about the negative thread about your sitting by the river. And yes, there are so many times I really don’t have anything to say to make a post on one of the social media platforms. Please take care. 🙏