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Thursday night thoughts

A few things to tell you. If you are anyway squeamish don’t read the last paragraph…

Firstly I’m off the antidepressants. I have been since I came back from Auschwitz. I figured if I could do that on my own without any issues I’d see how I went without them. I also felt, for me, that I was put on them too quickly without further investigation. Low B12 and depression are strongly linked, as Siobhan my nutrionist friend told me, and my B12 levels were through the floor. I’m not dismissing the tablets as I’m sure last year I probably needed them. This year I feel that I don’t but I know they are there if I should need them again. Since I’m off them I’m calmer, happier and so much more focused. I was quite anxious and agitated before and also was in a kind of numb mode. Like I was there but not really there if you know what I mean. Anyway I’m not advising anyone to stop taking medication if you have been prescribed it but this is just what I felt is right for me now.

The second thing is I’m on a diet. Yes I said I’d never go on one but I’m the heaviest I’ve been since I was twenty and I’m sick of not fitting into my clothes. I haven’t been eating any differently to before but this weight has appeared and to quote Shakira my hips don’t lie. I saw a couple of photos of myself recently and all I could see was fat, freckles and wonkey teeth. Not a good look and I can only change the first part but one out of three ain’t bad. Jeez there’s the Meatloaf connection again, sort of.

Part three….look away now squeamish folks…

I was given a voucher for Christmas for a flight over Roscommon. I was delighted, think of the photos I thought. James was the pilot and he was a lovely chap but as I was somewhere over Lough Key I could feel myself turning as green as the fields. I tried clenching my thumb, biting my lip, breathing and then the tiny plane wobbled slightly in the wind. Sure that was the finish. I manage to mumble that I didn’t feel well and bless James he thankfully had a bag because the camera bag almost got it! My lovely healthy salad for lunch wasn’t so lovely on the repeat performance and I was absolutely mortified. I felt so bad for James, what a way to go. Anyway he was such a gentleman and so kind to me but I’ve realised I was born without wings for a reason and as much as I love aerial photography it’ll be dry land for me from now on….and I tell you something I bet if I’d had cake it wouldn’t have happened!

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