Alone

I hear the ticking of the clock. I’m lying here the rooms pitch dark. Except it’s not because my phone is glowing, with the blue filter off because it’s meant to keep you awake. Ha!

Why don’t I leave my phone downstairs? Probably because I know I like writing blog posts in the middle of the night! 

Why is it always in the middle of the night that my mind insists on thinking of every daft thing I’ve ever said…that’s quite a lot of thoughts.

I think I must be very unlikeable. I feel like such a loser unless I’m with my family. Everyone seems to have a huge circle of friends but still I don’t really have anyone. I think I’m making friends and then silence. I’m probably too needy. 

I’m at the stage now that I think I need to ‘buy’ friendship. That’s not a good place to be. I miss the days when I was enough company for me. I suppose I spend so much time stuck with my thoughts that I’d like a break. 

I think I must come across as too desparate and it repels people. I can’t say I blame them. 

One day and probably very soon I’ll just stop trying. I’ll stay in my bubble and keep quiet, although I’ve never managed to keep quiet yet. I suppose there’s a first time for everything.

Just ignore me and my middle of the night ramblings. Midlife crisis at it’s finest.

Advertisements

8 thoughts on “Alone

  1. Suzy venuta says:

    Anxiety seems to be strongest in the middle of the night. As I tell the students I talk too…anxiety and depression lies, and it’s so good at lieing we belive it.It tells us we are useless, worthless, no one cares, others have it all together ” etc…it lies over and over again and we believe it. Hang in there, you are not alone ❤

  2. WoodlandBard says:

    Ah, the mind will quieten down soon, part of maturity. Up myself again after a nap, but the sleepies co ing back again. I am going to be off of the social media a lot until February. A lot I want ro get done.

    I am sure there are real friends about. I often think of Jay Leno’s description of a friend … ‘a person who takes time out to take you to the airport or meet you there and takes you home’.

  3. Linda James says:

    Ah Val that has made me feel a bit sad for you …because you don’t see what we see ..you do so many things you are so talented.. Gifted and have a go at anything sometimes creative people get their ideas at night in the silence and stillness of the night..and sometimes other people can hold you back ..you need positive people around you that your energy does not get drained.. I think you have to keep telling yourself that you are a great person ..slow down any negative thoughts ..take a look at what’s around you nature wise ..when I walk my dogs .I look at every little bug flower types of moss etc ..it helps clear the mind of anything that is stressing you..deep breaths.. And feel revitalized you are an amazing woman and many would love your talent. So brush off that negativity… And watch a bit of comedy that makes you belly laugh …car share with Peter Kay was good ..some funny sketches there..anyway good luck Val Linda..x

  4. Ele says:

    I love the night, like Linda was saying it can be a creative time. It use to be a time i did much painting and writing but i don’t live alone anymore so my night activities have slowed. Alone time is a good thing to have. It allows you to discover what you most want to do and share with others. Thinking is great doing is greater. Enjoy your gifts whatever they might be 😉

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s