It’s been a week of connections and reconnections, although I’m not the most sociable person in the world I do think the connections were missing during all the lockdowns. I met a new person this week, purely by chance, I knew of them already, but I’d never spoken to them. I felt a very strong connection, and I think maybe there might be some kind of collaboration in the future.
I’ve also been chatting to artists this week, and I find it fascinating talking to them and hearing more about their work. It’s made me look at my painting again. The paintings that come easily to me are the ones I don’t think about, they come straight from the heart. I found myself going down the rabbit hole of trying to paint photos I’d taken, and I just can’t do it. I don’t have the attention to detail, I struggle getting the colours right, and I can’t see straight lines – so even if I use a ruler you can bet that my horizon line will be wonky. I have to remember that I started painting as a form of mindfulness, for the relaxation, not to copy a photo.
I’m working on a couple of exhibitions at the moment. One will be paintings, one photography. I said I would never do another exhibition, but with these I don’t actually have to be there, so I’m delighted about that. I really admire the artists who can stand with their work, but in saying that their work is much better than mine. I think I’m triggered by the time I did have a photo in a well known exhibition and I person I knew looked at it and said ‘Who put that woman in the exhibition.’ She didn’t know I was standing behind her.
The good thing about the exhibition is that it’s made me finish some paintings that have been hanging around half done. I’m also hoping that some sell so that there aren’t paintings all over the place. It’d be great to have a little studio for storage, as well as a space to paint.
I’m rambling, as always. It’s not been all about connections this week, there have been moments of disconnection. People I’ve just to reach out to and felt like I was swatted away, like an annoying fly. I remind myself that I have no idea what’s going on in their lives, so I’m not going to dwell on it, I’m just going to take a step back.